Telling the Father

Discovering you are pregnant can be shocking. You might even be tempted to avoid dealing with it altogether. Of course, avoiding the fact that you are pregnant isn't an option. And, one of the first things on your mind is telling the father of the baby.

You may be feeling a lot of emotions toward him. You may be angry with him, scared that he might leave you, or afraid he'll want you to do something you don't want to do. These feelings are normal.

Just remember – No matter what he says or does, what YOU do is your decision. No one else can make it for you. But you are not alone. Our counselors will be happy to work with you to decide how to tell the father.

Here are some tips to prepare you for the discussion:

• Talking with people you trust can help relieve your anxiety and start you toward receiving the support you will need.
• Telling a person you trust also gives you the opportunity to practice telling the father.
• Choose a time and a setting when both of you will be in good moods, relaxed and in a place with minimal distractions.
• Don't play games or try to make him guess the news. Be candid and inform him that the two of you have become pregnant together.
• Avoid setting a negative mood, "I have really bad news..." Start with something positive like your appreciation of him or the relationship.

Be prepared for his first reactions:

• Silence – This is a common response. Remember when you first saw the positive test. You were probably speechless. When you first tell him he will probably act the same way. It doesn't mean he isn't interested or won't support you. It may just take a day or two before a real conversation begins.
• "I'll support you with whatever you want to do" – This is also common. He may not understand the full extent of your needs. But his willingness to support you is a good sign. Just remember that ultimately this is your decision. No one can force you to do something you're not comfortable doing.
• "Is it mine?" – Yes, this is insensitive, but unfortunately it is also a common response. It is probably more a shock response versus a true belief about your relationship.

Counselors are also available to talk with the father to help him understand what you're going through and how he can support you.

Address your feelings. Hopefully you will feel supported, but you may feel neglected, abandoned, or betrayed. No matter whom you choose to talk to, talk to someone. Don't leave those feelings inside.

Mentors throughout Texas are here for you every step of the way.

Call us at 1-888-LIFE AID or click here to find the counselor and services nearest you.